the end of self doubt- why I am starting blogging again
I quit blogging about a year ago. I didn't expect to return, but here I am.
One of the main reasons I decided to leave my old site was this: I felt like I had nothing to say and that anything I did write, other people were covering in a more articulate, qualified way.
I started blogging when I was quite young (about thirteen) and in the early years, it was a source of tremendous stress. Being an extreme self-critical person, I constantly compared myself to other bloggers which I followed who were older than me, had far more expensive cameras and often were full-time content creators. Meanwhile, I was writing in between homework stints on a laptop which was sellotaped together and crashed if I as much as nudged it by accident, whilst taking pictures on a secondhand digital camera which had a 15-minute battery life. I did not (and still don't) live in a big city full of funky events, have a glamorous life or any sort of writing qualifications. Instead, I was an introverted teenager in a high pressured school, trying to juggle clinical depression with all the typical stresses which come with being that age, like social spats, acne and identity crises. When I look back now on the strange unpleasant time between me being thirteen and about seven or eight months ago, I wish I could hug my younger self.
My life essentially began again a few months ago when I made enormous changes and became a person who is happy by default.
These days I have so much confidence, energy and positivity that I barely know how to process it all. That is why I started blogging again after a year long hiatus- I wanted to write about all the ways in which I became, and am still becoming, a depression free person. It was something I had to claw my way out of over a long period of time. There are still issues I need to work my way through though I am confident that I can. That's the thing- I am confident at last.
Finding the ability to value myself enough to start writing again took time, yet I am very glad I did it. In the short time I have been blogging again, the old fears have surfaced only briefly. I no longer compare myself to other bloggers or use this as a means of amplifying pre-existing self-hatred.
So, do I have anything new to say? I think I do. Of course, the internet is awash with incredible content but I am not going to let that stop me from creating my own. I believe that long-form posts are much more impactful than streams of images or tweets. In a blog post, I can get into a topic and explain my thoughts on it. This is my personal platform to use as I wish. My main dream for the future is to be a full-time writer, and this lets me hone the skills for it. Writing is what I love to do and what I want to excel at.
I have also become very interested in self-improvement techniques. My life did not change by accident- it took hard work, planning and the development of new perspectives. I want to share this process in the hope that it can help others in the same way that reading other peoples' writing helped me.
Everyone has their own perspective on the world, their own voice and as a consequence, plenty of new things to say. I am not going to doubt myself anymore or feel like I have no reason to write. This is something I need to do.