the end of self doubt- why I am starting blogging again

I quit blogging about a year ago. I didn't expect to return, but here I am. 

One of the main reasons I decided to leave my old site was this: I felt like I had nothing to say and that anything I did write, other people were covering in a more articulate, qualified way.

I started blogging when I was quite young (about thirteen) and in the early years,  it was a source of tremendous stress. Being an extremely self-critical person, I constantly compared myself to other bloggers which I followed who were older than me, had far more expensive cameras and often were full-time content creators. Meanwhile, I was writing in between homework stints on a laptop which was sellotaped together and crashed if I as much as nudged it by accident, whilst taking pictures on a secondhand digital camera which had a 15-minute battery life.

I did not (and still don't) live in a big city full of funky events, or have a glamorous life. Instead, I was an introverted teenager in a high pressured school, trying to juggle clinical depression with all the typical stresses which come with being that age, like social spats, acne and identity crises. When I look back now on the strange unpleasant time between me being thirteen and about seven or eight months ago, I wish I could hug my younger self.

Finding the ability to value myself enough to start writing again took time, yet I am very glad I did it. In the short time I have been blogging again, the old fears have surfaced only briefly. I no longer compare myself to other bloggers or use this as a means of amplifying pre-existing self-hatred.

So, do I have anything new to say? I think I do. Of course, the internet is awash with incredible content but I am not going to let that stop me from creating my own. I believe that long-form posts are much more impactful than streams of images or tweets. In a blog post, I can get into a topic and explain my thoughts on it. This is my personal platform to use as I wish. 

Everyone has their own perspective on the world, their own voice and as a consequence, plenty of new things to say. I am not going to doubt myself anymore or feel like I have no reason to write. This is something I need to do.

The era of feeling irrelevant is over for me.

I hope you will join me on this journey.

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